Ok lets face it, right off the bat it’s pretty obvious that Crank: High Voltage isn’t exactly what you’d call high brow film-making. But the thing is that it doesn’t have to be.
It watches like a comic book reads, and for certain situations that is a good thing. Now for those of you unaware of the franchise, the previous film Crank (2006) was one film that actually fits the bill of “an absolute balls-to-the-wall romp.”
I have to be honest and say that the original is one of the most high octane films that I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing.
It’s not the sort of film you sit down to watch with your mum and a her friends after a delicious brunch, it’s the sort of film you stick on when you’re already half cut and a bunch of your mates want to watch a movie with a bunch of action. And what a bunch of action it will be.
Anyway, onto the sequel. Without further ado, lets get to the 11 things Crank: High Voltage has, that your favourite movie (probably) doesn’t.
- Crude oil being used to lubricate a shotgun, which is then promptly inserted into the owners rectum.
- Strippers with machine guns.
- Said strippers being shot in their fake chesticles, which then deflate in a really horrifying manner.
- The best secret-in-a-box since Pulp Fiction.
- Jason Statham using the ‘c’ word more times than you can shake a stick at. There’s really something to be said for a cockney bloke saying the ‘c’ word. You fahking cant.
- Someone getting their elbow chopped off. Yes, their elbow.
- You know those title screens that read “8 months later” ? Well Crank: High Voltage is so hardcore it has one that reads “9 seconds later”
- One of the weirdest sex scenes since the Shoot Em Up sex scene shootout. Comes complete with hokey soundtrack, multiple positions, lots of people watching and a guest appearance from a horse’s knob.
- Corey Haim sporting an epic bleached mullet.
- A soundtrack by none other than Mike Patton (of Faith No More)
- Lo-Pan for the 21st century, played by David Carradine.
It really is quite an undeniably impressive list of attributes.
First, a quick recap. The plot of the original Crank revolves around an incredibly hard bastard with one of the best film character names ever; Chev Chelios.
Chev, played by Statham, had been infected with a poison referred to only as “the chinese shit”.
Sore nipple
In order to counteract the effects of the poison he must keep his heartrate as high as physically possible for the length of the movie, while he tries to track down the people who did this to him.
Hilarity ensues.
Crank: High Voltage has a very similar premise. After surviving the first film, a frail elderly Triad boss (played by David Carradine) demanded that Mr Chelios be captured; so that his heart can be harvested and he can take it for himself.
This leaves Chev with a temporary artificial heart.
Thrown into a situation with some extreme parallels to the first movie, he must now track down his heart and get it back; this time being forced to repeatedly charge himself with electricity wherever possible in order to keep the heart pumping.
However, Crank: High Voltage realistically it isn’t quite as good as the original. It stays true to the original, in that it’s very high octane and doesn’t take itself seriously. There’s a lot of fast cutting and a large dose of random.
There are at least a couple of scenes that let it down (Spoiler, highlight to read: what the hell was the Power Rangers-esque scene with the massive papier mache heads all about?!) and it has a mildly bizarre ending.
Then again, the first one had what you could call an … unusual ending too, especially considering the fact that there’s a sequel.
Another huge problem with any sequel to such a unique film is that there is a feeling of “it’s all been done before”.
Nevertheless, Crank: High Voltage is still worth a watch. Recommended for when you have a bunch of friends though, and you’re at least a little bit drunk.
Final paulietheboss rating: 7/10
